Mourning and sorrow- how to accept it and how to go ahead?
A couple of weeks ago. i didn't know what topics i should write here, but then i started to read a book about how to move on with your life after mourning and grief.
This year has been really hard for me as well, but the same time it has been the most active year personality, cause im on the way , who i wanna go and what i want to achieve. Its just some people had left out of my life , so this is the reason why i got that feeling - i need to write about mourning and moving, and also how to move on and enjoy every day. How to smile again, and how to open your heart for all the good things.:)
At school, we don’t learn how to treat our heart. What to do with feelings and sorrow.
Death and mourning are part of life, like birth.
Death is a biological event, which means end of life.
In open relationship people can share their feelings, thoughts, fantasy and experiment with others.
If people are in relationship, they are start to gain sensitive for topic , which make them more irritating.
Stages of mourning are:
1.Denial- eitamine
1. Denial & Isolation
The first reaction to learning about the terminal illness, loss, or death of a cherished loved one is to deny the reality of the situation. “This isn’t happening, this can’t be happening,” people often think. It is a normal reaction to rationalize our overwhelming emotions.
Denial is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock of the loss, numbing us to our emotions. We block out the words and hide from the facts. We start to believe that life is meaningless, and nothing is of any value any longer. For most people experiencing grief, this stage is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.
As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family.
2.anger
Anger may be directed at our dying or deceased loved one. Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.
Remember, grieving is a personal process that has no time limit, nor one “right” way to do it.
The doctor who diagnosed the illness and was unable to cure the disease might become a convenient target. Health professionals deal with death and dying every day. That does not make them immune to the suffering of their patients or to those who grieve for them.
Do not hesitate to ask your doctor to give you extra time or to explain just once more the details of your loved one’s illness. Arrange a special appointment or ask that he telephone you at the end of his day. Ask for clear answers to your questions regarding medical diagnosis and treatment. Understand the options available to you. Take your time.
3. Bargaining
The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control through a series of “If only” statements, such as:
- If only we had sought medical attention sooner…
- If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…
- If only we had tried to be a better person toward them…
Guilt often accompanies bargaining. We start to believe there was something we could have done Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression. We worry about the costs and burial. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words.
The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our loved one farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug.
5.Acceptance
Reaching this stage of grieving is a gift not afforded to everyone. Death may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.
Loved ones that are terminally ill or aging appear to go through a final period of withdrawal. This is by no means a suggestion that they are aware of their own impending death or such, only that physical decline may be sufficient to produce a similar response. Their behavior implies that it is natural to reach a stage at which social interaction is limited. The dignity and grace shown by our dying loved ones may well be their last gift to us.
Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience — nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But others can be there for you and help comfort you through this process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it only will prolong the natural process of healing.
Related Resources
How to understand you still have negative feelings-
Well if you wake up in the morning, and you are thinking, why iam here.You feel sorrow, and pressure on breath,
If you feel, that you are alone here, abandoned
If you feel angry- but there is no reason, why you should feel it
If you are frightened how to survive (how to manage with money)
If you feel you are guilty- why didn't you do something
Step by step- how to accept it and move on?
Well, the first step is commitment - you have problem, so accept it
Find any reason - why you feel it.
Then next step is finding that courage what helps you to relief it.
Be your own therapist!!!!!
#try to find what you like to do, find some new hobby
#ask for help(find someone who can listen you
#meditation
#try to be positive
#Go and find your life purpose
#Trust
#perseverance(Kuidas juhtida oma emotsioone"Patricia Lewis)
To move on with life needs time.
The end of mourning time we realize that love, what we had still living ,regardless of that fact -people who we loved are gone.But in heart they ll be forever.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/
Mars and Venus,"Starting over"John Gray
The end of mourning time we realize that love, what we had still living ,regardless of that fact -people who we loved are gone.But in heart they ll be forever.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/
Mars and Venus,"Starting over"John Gray
Comments